There is a box of icicle lights and a pretty tapestry
sitting on the shelves beside our bed. They haven’t been put up yet how I’d
like them and at this point, I’m kind of thinking: Why bother? We’re leaving
this apartment in 4-6 months if our plans don’t go awry. At one point, there
were plans for us to move from this apartment to one caddy-corner from it. That
was supposed to happen around Christmas time and thank the Lord the leadership
where we are living decided to postpone the remodeling that would have required
the move in the first place.
The “move that didn’t happen” prompted a lot of discussion
and disagreement between my husband and I. I can’t remember how it got started,
but the main line of contention was that I didn’t want to put up any
decorations and wanted to put most of our stuff in storage. Why would we move
into that apartment with any degree of permanency when we are just going to move
within a matter of months? He felt that my plan would leave us feeling like we’re
living out of suitcases and boxes and not truly be home. Um…exactly! In my
mind, yeah, we weren’t going to have a “home” for a few months.
“If we never unpack anywhere that we’re only going to live
for a short amount of time, if we never put up any pictures, decorations, or
reminders of our lives, then for most of our life, given our chosen career… we’re
never going to feel like we’re at home anywhere!”
These are the very wise words my husband spoke that went
straight to the heart of the matter for me. I was reminded of the very
different ways we have been brought up and the subtle distinctions that have
come up in our short 5 months and six days of marriage.
You see…he’s lived in the same state in almost the same
house most of his life. I lived between countries and in several different
states and houses growing up. My whole life I’ve watched friends come and go
when either they’ve moved or I have. He has had the same friends for decades in
some cases! I have learned to hold things loosely and not grow attached in an
effort to save myself from heartbreak when they get taken away. That has NOT
worked out well for me. I’m sentimental whether I want to be or not. I hold
even tighter to things that remind me of friends, family, good times, etc. I’m
sad and lonely when I try not to make friends so I don’t have to say good-bye
when one of us leaves.
During that discussion we came to realize that neither of us
was right or wrong. I reminded him that one day he would have to leave his
familiar home/family to move a world away and he would then experience a bit of
how I’ve lived. I told him too that I was reminded of the passage in the Bible
where we are told that we are aliens. We are strangers on this planet. This
world is not our home. This will continue to be a struggle for us as we keep
moving and going forward. We’ll need to strike a balance between learning to
make a “home” wherever we are and remembering that this world is not meant to
be our true home forever. With God’s grace (and He’s promised He’ll give it),
we’ll be Home, Sweet Home together and in God’s hands.
